Dear Lillian, you have my mouth, my smile, my hair…


Dear Lillian,

Binge watching Netflix has become a new hobby since I’ve been so sick recently. Allergies have gotten the best of me. I was watching the show “Parenthood” the other day and one of characters said something that stopped me for a few moments and I had to pause the show and ponder about it for a while.


This is a poor summary, because it was so beautifully written: Our kids look just like us. They have our same hair, or our same nose, or our same mouth. They even have similar personalities or mimic some of the same gestures we do. Since we look so much alike, we expect them to have the same struggles as us. We spend our time trying to prevent those struggles from happening so their life will turn out differently, and we don’t realize they have their own set of struggles they are dealing with. They aren’t us at all.


I get told at least twice a day that you’re my twin. You look exactly like me and sometimes it freaks me out when I take your picture. It’s almost like taking a picture of myself. You sometimes act like me, too, you’re often shy and timid around chaos. You don’t like large crowds or talking to strangers. But you aren’t me. I so often spend so much time trying to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are so that you don’t have the same image issues as me, but I’m realizing those aren’t your struggles at all. You have a confidence about you and your own style. You really don’t care what other people think about you.


After I walked out of your parent/teacher conference yesterday, I sat in my car in aw of you reading her notes over and over. I left realizing you’re everything I wished I could have been as a child.

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Your teacher said you tested way beyond your age not only in the creative area but in fine motor skills, writing, counting and all of the other areas. I don’t even care whether you’re ahead or behind. That stuff doesn’t matter as much as your heart. She said you’re incredibly respectful and a good listener. You have manners and treat others kindly. That’s what important to me. The areas you excel are the areas I often fail.

I know you’ll have your own struggles, but I have to accept that your struggles will be different than mine. Maybe it will be shyness or boredom in school. Whatever your struggles will be, I hope I can help you see how amazing you are and how God created you to be exactly the way you are.



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